i read a tweet sometime in the last few weeks and i think it was from, http://twitter.com/dopegirlfresh, and it was pertaining to how one shouldnt get so judgemental about others when we were there ourselves. im sure it didnt say that exactly but that’s what i took from it and i wanted to credit her for making me think these past few weeks about that shit. and think about it hard.
see thinking about it is easy. im hella quick to pass judgement now that my head is clear. hella quick to be like “you dumb bitch” and rant and rave in my head about people and the fucked up things they are doing and how they are dumb. what a whore they are. how one day they will realize how stupid they look. and it’s all shit i was doing too. (well maybe not all of it but a great majority of it)
it makes me sad to see some of my friends still struggling with drugs and not knowing where to go in life, not having much of a purpose. but i also realize that nothing i can say will change what they are doing. i mean ultimately the choice to live for yourself is your own.
but that’s not really who im talking about. i can overlook what someone who i love does but i got all kinds of hate for someone i cant tolerate. and really in a world where i care about those i love i shouldnt overlook what my loved ones do. the excuses and the you know what it’s likes hurt me.
i understand now how a few of my friends didnt want to be around me in the end of my downward spiral. it feels like aiding and abetting the death of that person you love. stealing their soul piece by piece and pretending you’re just borrowing it. i cant be around some people that i love because i cant see myself in them with the things they do to themselves.
putting my high horses to rest and not judging is hard because it makes me still look at the ugly things that i used to be and have worked to overcome…and i dont think ive reached the point where i can deal with all that smacking me in the face just yet.
but it does stay on my mind and i do try to practice it more and more. i fall most days.
but i keep trying.
4 Comments
Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI
Leave a comment
Thanks for your post.
I really admire the fact that you recognize your shortcomings and work to overcome them. We’ll never get to perfection but the willingness to try is whats important. Sadly, not everyone is willing to try.
but its our NATURE to talk shit about others and pass judgement. thats what makes us asthetically human.
man, can you ever see me NOT talking shit? it’s part of what makes me, me.
i just am trying very hard not to get all high and mighty now that i’m living my life a lot less like i was.