I wish I could walk around with a sash filled with merit badges. The merit of most of the badges would be that they are in the past and that I dealt with that issue already.
It would be interesting to see others issues so brazenly displayed and quite possibly it would lead a lot to deal with others with more compassion. Some people are just assholes and prey on the “weaker” but really I think if hiding wasn’t the thing we all tried to do we’d be better.
Maybe time and a lot of miles from my mistakes led me away from shame I’ve felt for so many wrongs I did. I ran from more than enough. Reputations, drugs, feelings, hurting and using others, betrayal, cheating, stealing.
Maybe I really wouldn’t want to wear that sash now that I think about it. Constant reminders to myself of who I was and people assuming I still was that person.
A song entitled “God Loves Ugly” by atmosphere has the line:
“I wear my scars like the rings on a pimp…”
What if every wrong scarred us for the world to see?
Not that the actions of our past don’t already mold our reactions for the present and future. How ugly would a lot of us be?
How long would my nose have been if pinnochio’s curse was for really real?
Where am I going with this?
A 19 single mom whom I know from school cried to me that she doesn’t know how I do it, how I can be okay alone and stay strong and take care of everything and not do drugs.
Trying to tell someone that living each day to the next with my goals planned out, one foor in front of the other. Inhale, exhale. BREATHE. Sounds so….fuckin annoying when you’re not in that place…
How much easier explaining things could have been if we could have pulled out our sashes.
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Get a charm bracelet, boo. Add a symbolic charm every time you accomplish a personal goal.