no particular reason behind anything.
in fact, it’s probably really a good day. you just want to let the fuck loose and scream until you lose your voice? or maybe im just the only one?
i got to sleep til almost 9am. my baby snuggled up next to me and didnt demand more than snuggling til ten am. then she dressed herself…in a crazy outfit but whatever that’s the norm for us. crazy outfits chosen by an almost three year old and me going okay, you really want to wear my fuzzy socks with a tutu and supergirl shirt? okay. I GUESS IT BEATS FOOTIE JAMMIES!!!
i got to do two of my besties hair in amazing colors and cuts that both turned out great.
my hair was done….yeah, hot pink, pearly dark blonde and black!
my kid screamed most of the day…
she’s been talking all kinds of baby gibberish lately. im not sure where it’s coming from but it pisses me off. i cant be the only parent who wants to smack their child with the rubber end of a chuck taylor. i know this much.
other parts of me just feel ugh. like i expect too much out of things that really arent.
my mind plays out it’s own scenarios and i dont like it.
i dont clarify things and never have and it always comes back to bite my own “feelings” in the ass.
yep. dumbass me. and my feelings.
i remember a point in life where these things didnt even exist.
back before “therapy” and “working on my issues” even were thought of.
maybe ignorance IS bliss.
or maybe i hurt myself for so long, nothing even matters anymore.
i play back things that happened years ago that no man would ever want to hear the woman they are spending time with now did. and though i may not be that same young, stupid girl anymore i still feel shame and wouldnt really blame him for not wanting to be with me. i mean, unless it was secret. and then, really, it just perpetuates my whole entire shame cycle.
the “i’m not good enoughs” echo in my head. okay, maybe more like screech owls, a shrill voice pierces my entire body and reminds me who i was, what i did, and well you’ll never outrun it, ever.
maybe it’s just a full moon and im drunk and need to go to sleep.
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