being around younger women/girls day to day at school im around a lot of mothers. mothers with “baby daddy” drama.
no support checks, no visits from daddy, if they are around they aint worth shit.
i really have to say that i’m happy the “men” i got pregnant by were not and are not in the picture [...]
ayden’s father/amari’s father
it’s the first of the month
i can hardly believe that a year of my life has already passed. it’s been the longest seeming year ever and the shortest seeming year at the same time. i dont know if that quite makes sense.
i think im going to resolve that my new year starts every year on june 1st.
i can say that [...]
hoes and housewives
before i made the transition from a pale blonde flat chested, gapped toothed cute little girl into a young woman my sexuality was already compromised in a way that shaped it and still shapes it today.
i hadn’t ever really thought about it. it’s one of those things that you dont know is wrong at a [...]
family
easter sunday. april twelth. last year on this day amari’s father was arrested on outstanding warrants in a routine traffic stop. it really wasnt routine though. we were on our way to his brothers house at 2am in need of a place to crash for the night because my car wasnt comfortable for the two [...]
one year later
i probably wont remember march 12th for the rest of my life…but i might.
i’d just gotten back in sac from being at my grandma’s with my mom helping my grandma deal with my grandpa’s passing. my mom had actually said something about me going back to sac and her staying with my grandma for a [...]
my sweet valentine
my valentine showed up five days early. miss amari valentina meqel was born february 9th, 2009 at 2.49 am. she came out crying and ready for a bottle (lol a one ounce bottle at that and when she was finished with it she burped LOUD jus like her mama would.)
i know it’s hella cliche to [...]
daddy complex
“if you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.” –abraham sutzkever (per my lil motivational calendar my eight year old brother got me)
it’s funny, i looked at this quote on my calendar on today’s page right before leaving to go to my counseling session. and somehow i knew the topic of my childhood [...]
annoyed. imagine that.
i think the only time i can manage to force together sentences is when im angry, sad, tired, annoyed or just arrgh. and i swear i am happy sometimes. just not all the time. i mean im not unhappy i just really want my own life.
family is great. yes. there is no denying that fact. [...]
accidentals
man, all i have heard this week is:
everything happens like it’s supposed to.
well you know what im fucking tired of everything shitty happening to me like its supposed to. and yeah im probably being overly dramatic right now and i know that not everything that could possibly go wrong, does.
but…come on.
cant i just have a [...]
there is light
last week my bestfriend, Tofu De La Moore, http://www.tofu916.com and I were chatting over instant messages about the state of our lives and our minds. I will go into my mindstates and how i feel but i wont divulge his side of shit because it aint my business to put out.
And for once I can [...]
