being around younger women/girls day to day at school im around a lot of mothers. mothers with “baby daddy” drama.
no support checks, no visits from daddy, if they are around they aint worth shit.
i really have to say that i’m happy the “men” i got pregnant by were not and are not in the picture [...]
ayden’s father/amari’s father
looking forward and reflecting
i still amaze myself daily.
i mean, i walk outside, i drive somewhere and i have to sometimes remind myself i have this little human being that needs me and relies soley upon me. it’s a strange thing for me to care about myself enough to take care of me and to care about myself enough [...]
it’s the first of the month
i can hardly believe that a year of my life has already passed. it’s been the longest seeming year ever and the shortest seeming year at the same time. i dont know if that quite makes sense.
i think im going to resolve that my new year starts every year on june 1st.
i can say that [...]
family
easter sunday. april twelth. last year on this day amari’s father was arrested on outstanding warrants in a routine traffic stop. it really wasnt routine though. we were on our way to his brothers house at 2am in need of a place to crash for the night because my car wasnt comfortable for the two [...]
one year later
i probably wont remember march 12th for the rest of my life…but i might.
i’d just gotten back in sac from being at my grandma’s with my mom helping my grandma deal with my grandpa’s passing. my mom had actually said something about me going back to sac and her staying with my grandma for a [...]
my sweet valentine
my valentine showed up five days early. miss amari valentina meqel was born february 9th, 2009 at 2.49 am. she came out crying and ready for a bottle (lol a one ounce bottle at that and when she was finished with it she burped LOUD jus like her mama would.)
i know it’s hella cliche to [...]
there is light
last week my bestfriend, Tofu De La Moore, http://www.tofu916.com and I were chatting over instant messages about the state of our lives and our minds. I will go into my mindstates and how i feel but i wont divulge his side of shit because it aint my business to put out.
And for once I can [...]
six years ago
being pregnant and all i get asked by just about everyone i encounter if this is my first child.
i respond yes, because technically this is my first child. and because i dont think its the general populations damn business what my child status is.
the first i will keep beyond nine months in utero and a [...]
rehab ruminations. 11/11/07
i did something last night that i have been doing for the last 14 nights in a row…and in doing so i realized i dont need to be anyone’s anything.
i have me, and as fucked up as i am in all my emotions and actions, i crack myself up. mind you i probably look [...]
originally written january 25th
i will wake up and realize that me loving you, leads me to acting out in the ways that harm myself. that me loving you wont ever go further than the fantasy world i play out in my head. and even though i know you are there for me, you really aren’t. most [...]
